ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
