Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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