She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
