these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
