I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
