saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
