She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
