I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
