i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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