I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
