Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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