I'm lost and stupid without you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
