Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
