What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
