So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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