The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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