make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So apparently I’m into choking now
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