My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
