He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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