I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
jump out the window naked night went bad
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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