If i come over, it means nothing
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
