my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
