Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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