Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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