Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Randomize
