i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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