This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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