I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize