someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize