thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
