Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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