the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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