I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
