i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
