I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
