I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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