AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
