She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize