My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
