im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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