I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
