I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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