Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
be right there i have to get my cape
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
