So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
