I just pynch a tree in the face
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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