these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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