We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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