Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
