Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
