that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
