So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
