I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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