i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
