I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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