i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
