with your own penis?
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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