But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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