I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
