i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
