i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
