how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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